The realization of the fact that something so good you once held on to with all your strength has finally escaped your grip.
Staring blankly at the ceiling in the middle of the night because you can not sleep without a 2 hour recap of the whole situation, overthinking about your actions and what could possibly go wrong, where could you possibly go wrong.
Also staring at the stove in the morning not being able to bring yourself to cook your breakfast or even make your coffee, eventually giving up on it to spend your last 10 dollars on a Starbucks coffee and some stifling sandwich with bad grilled bacon. The coffee is good, almost making you feel better about yourself, you ditch the sandwich, you can’t eat anyways, you feel your stomach too heavy, full of steel.
That’s it, you go to work, or to wherever it is that you have to be, you still need to make money, no one cares about your mid-July depression cause by the disappearance of the only thing you ever really loved. Of course you put a mask on, they have to see you happy, you don’t need dull questions, “I’m so sorry for you”s, or long explanations about why you ended up in this state.
You don’t even want to think about it yourself, but you do.
There is no going back.
Or is it?
You cry for no more than three days, heartbroken with the greatest pain you ever felt in your chest, before you realize this is not what you want for yourself.
And it doesn’t have to be like this. Pain can be both a curse and a blessing. Because pain is the beginning of the destruction of your old self, your restart point, it is after all what gets you out of your comfort zone, what propels you to a much more stronger, better and maybe more realistic version of yourself.
Once you feel, even an ounce of it, it stands in your power whether you let it kill and destroy you even if just internally, or you let it transform you. In most cases, pain does magic to our personalities by breaking the boundaries set by the blindness of either love or happiness. Just feeling an ounce of it can give you the motivation and ambition, the change and the knowledge you need to set out on a new journey of your life, to survive it and it can be a surprise when you find out that life gets even better after you have been through a little hell.
So go there, set new standards. Be brave. Try new things and do not fear being broken. Do not fear losing someone or breaking up with them. So people are meant to stay, some are meant to teach us a lesson. In fact everything that hurts is meant to teach us a lesson.
Because every time you lose you also win. You learn, you gain experience. Be hurt. Don’t think about it as “hard” or “painful”, the more you get through the more you develop the personality you need to get where you truly want to be and to eventually become successful. Think about it as an opportunity to grow, to know better next time, to ACT better next time.
Think about pain as your best friend, or teacher, because the more you fight it the stronger you will get.